“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” - Phyllis DillerĢ2. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” - Johnny CarsonĢ1. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” - Bill MurrayĢ0.

“It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more.

Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” - Shirley Templeġ9. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus he does not believe in Santa Claus he is Santa Claus.” - Bob Phillipsġ8. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” - Andy Borowitzġ6. “I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” - National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacationġ5. ”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” - George Carlinġ4. Visit people only once a year.” - Victor Borgeġ3. ”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” - Stephen Fryġ2. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” - Henny Youngmanġ1. “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” - Craig Fergusonġ0. “I love Christmas. ”We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” - Bill McKibbenĩ. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”- Charles M. ”It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”- Milton Berleħ.

That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” - Samantha BeeĦ.

”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” - Johnny Carsonĥ. ”I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” - Maya AngelouĤ. ”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” - Gary Allanģ. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” - David LettermanĢ. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. “I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Either way, these funny Christmas quotes are sure to bring good tidings to you and your kin and help get you into the holiday spirit.

Happy farm candy day help